Wellbutrin Coming In Hot.

 If you truly know me, you know that I was once diagnosed withMDD (Major Depressive Disorder), binge eating disorder and body dysmorphia 2 decades ago. Wow. Even I'm shocked it's been that long.

I've been through my share of antidepressants; 

- Lithium: This made me feel so numb. I was just there, no emotions, absolutely nothing. My eyes looked dead, I was just a body with no emotions walking around. I never felt so empty. 

- Paxil & Zoloft: I don't remember these as much because I was only on it for a short time because it felt like my suicidal thoughts were too strong. 

- Lexapro: boy oh boy I loved Lexapro until I found out that the sexual side effects would put a damper on my love life with W. Have you ever been "adult coloring" but couldn't complete your "masterpiece" no matter how beautiful it was? IT SUCKS. What's even worse is that we only get to see each 5ish times a year, so the times we are "adult coloring" are VERY important. 

I still had suicidal thoughts on Lexapro, not as often, but it happened. 

- Wellbutrin: I'm still very new on this. The first week I was drinking caffinated coffee as usual and I noticed my anxiety, shaking and patience were on the decline (meaning, not going away, they were really bad). I never felt so on edge, so, I started drinking decaf and BAM the world is right again. I would also assume this is what Adderall feels like, I've never tried it, but I've never been SO focused on tasks in my life. It's wild and amazing. The energy and focus I have is unheard of for me. I haven't had suicidal thoughts, I want to say "yet" but I'm hoping this will help me have less and less of them. 

W will be here to visit me in early March and we'll see how well our masterpiece comes out, because our "adult coloring" art work should be in the MET, top notch, chefs kiss 🤌 🫠😂.

I just have to be on the lookout so I don't start feeling numb, I want to have emotions, emotions like your average person, not depression. And people, sadness and depression are two very different things. Depression is...depression, sadness is normal for people to feel. Depression is not. Don't throw around the term "omg I'm so depressed" when you're just sad. See a psychologist or psychiatrist if you really think you're depressed, there is so much help available. 

You know what's strange to me when thinking about depression, there are people in the world who have never had a suicidal or intrusive thought...like, excuse me? What's it like to be God's favorite. All joking aside, that thought is just wild to me. WILD !